Someone made a comment to me the other day when I mentioned something about me being stressed. They said, "What do you know about stress??" Well that got me thinking.. why would they make a comment like that? They don't know what all I've been through in my life. I'm 28 years old. I'm young, but I've been through a lot of stress in my life. May not be for the same reasons as other people, may be varying degrees of stress compared to others. Then I thought of what I went through last year, and how I've blocked so much of it from my mind now, except when i feel a twinge of pain in my shoulder. Just a gentle reminder of what kind of stress I went through.
So here we go. Screw the other shit that went wrong last year, I've already forgotten half of it.
March 2010:
I worked a security gig for St Patty's day that was this huge uni party at a hall. It was a shitshow. Like, little drunken 19 year olds all over the place. Was quite a shitty nite actually, the only amusement came from the couple of peeps sent off in cop cars and ambulances. Dumbasses. Anyways, my shoulder had been feeling quite good, i had been out of physio for a month by then (from the torn rotator cuff). But that night it really started hurting, and I was using it wayyyy too much. Unfortunately its my right arm, so its used to reaching out, and blocking, etc. so by the end of the night it was just killing me. I was debating on stopping by the first aid station just to get it officially looked at in case I re-tore something and would have to start physio and the workers comp gig all over again. But, being me, I didn't. Figured some anti-inflams and an ice pack would cure it.
Week later, still could barely move my arm. and i had a sore spot on the spine of my scapula (shoulder blade). like literally, a sore SPOT the size of my finger tip. and of course, when you have a sore spot, you need to keep poking at it.....ow....ow....ow....ow...
So I went back to physio. It was covered by workers comp still, so hey, why not. Get an actual specialized pro to look at it. Well she had no clue what was up with the sore spot. and it kind of seemed like i re-injured the shoulder, she could barely move it. so she started some 'healing' treatments and worked on that sore spot to see what the heck could be done with it.
As weeks went by, the spot turned into a bump...and kept getting bigger. Nothing my physio did seemed to help, so she was actually wondering wtf was going on. She wanted ultrasound, but in the general order of things in the medical field, xrays need to be done first, and she couldn't request those. So I went to my chiro, who I've also been seeing regularly and who is quite familiar with my many ailments. She sent in the req for xrays.
May:
I went in for my xrays, and the report said there were no findings. So ok, next step: ultrasound. By this time the bump was about the size of..an almond maybe? easily felt, not easily seen by looking at my shoulder.
Oh, and i forgot to mention, it was painful as HELL. I generally have a high pain tolerance, and especially with my shoulders and back, i barely feel anything done to me there. But holy shit, touch that little bump and I'd almost cry. So that actually had me quite concerned. Soft tissue injuries aren't generally THAT painful...but bone ones are..
June:
So ultrasound didn't happen until June. These radiologists I liked. The tech spent like 45 mins on my shoulder. She took a peek at the rotator cuff and confirmed that it had been torn, but was healed (fucking system, they wouldn't send me for ultrasound to look at it at the time it was actually torn). But after she did my mass on my shoulder, i could tell she was going "wtf??" in her head lol. My ultrasound experience is limited, but from the few glances I got of what she was doing, it was weird. For something so superficial with only bone and muscles surrounding it, it was...weird. So she got the radiologist to come in and actually look at it lol. Which is generally not the best sign, but it's good to know she was concerned enough to run and grab him from whatever he was doing. So he looked at it and I guess he was pretty boggled. He listed off a bunch of possibilities, one of which of course included neoplasm (cancer). But he rambled on about how that was slim and most definately not a chance of it being that. mmhmm...he forgot who he was talking to. the rarer it is, the more likely i'd get it. remember this for later..
So I'm finally involving my family doctor in this mess, cuz it's starting to of course freak me out, and it would have to be her requesting more additional diagnostics now. So she reviews the ultrasound report with me and is like, 'ok, i guess we wait a month to see what it does and go in for a repeat ultrasound'. typical. 'wait and see'. But before I leave, she wants to take another look at the mass. I could tell she looked concerned then. She says, you know what? Go for another xray. Right now, just go straight from here. I don't see how this can't be showing up on xray.
So I go. I get to the rad lab and the tech looks at my chart and is like, actually, i don't think we'll take these xrays. You just had xrays done on that shoulder, and they couldn't find anything. You're young, you shouldn't get this much radiation.
Unfortunately for her, I know what a tech can and cannot tell a patient. That is most definately something a Radiology Technician can NOT tell a patient. So I say: "I have a mass growing out of my shoulder. It is extremely painful, and it has grown in size since the last xrays. I have had ultrasound and they don't know what it is. My doctor wants a repeat xray. You will repeat this xray because i have a FUCKING MASS GROWING OUT OF MY SHOULDER."
So she says, well, i'll go ask the radiologist then. She comes back and says he wants the repeats. Wow, no shit?
Two days later I get woken up by an early phone call, "Can you come in to see your doctor this morning? She wants to go over Xray results"
Fuck...my....life. Most definately not a good sign. My doctor takes weeks to get in to see for results. Weeks. Not hours.
On Thursday, June 10, 2010, 11:30am, my doctor told me that I may have osteosarcoma.
I laughed. "Hah..." Maybe not a laugh..more like, yup, figured...
She talks a bit more. I tell her I'm familiar with osteo from all the times I've seen it in the vet field. She gets me on an **urgent** list for a MRI. They can't diagnose it from an xray. So onto more diagnostics. I guess the radiologist took one look at the xray and pretty much went 'holy fuck!' and called my doctor and talked to her instead of just faxing the report to her.
My doctor asks if i have any questions. I say, nope. you couldn't possibly answer the questions I may have right now.
But then I do ask, 'was the mass noticable on the first xrays in May"
Doctor: "Yes. They missed it."
So yah, I hold it together. Go me! I accept what she tells me, she gets me on the cancellation list for a MRI, so i go home. On my way to the car, I ran into the veterinarian i used to work for. I need to visit her one of these days...anyways, she was on her way in to the dr's office. and she asked how i was. I told her, I have a tumour. and she's fabulous. absolutely fabulous. I owe her more than a visit. she was comforting me and assuring me everything was going to be just fine and such. She was the first person I told that I had a tumour. I think I was probably still in shock too when I was talking to her. When I got to my car, then it hit me like a brick wall.
I was going to die. and it was gonna be fucking painful lol...
to be continued ;)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Feb 2010
Feb last year was pretty uneventful i think. I was working the entire month full time hours, which was freaking awesome. I had gotten discharged from physio for my torn rotator cuff, so was feeling pretty peachy. i'm sure there was something else that went on, but maybe feb was ok.
March is when things get fun again. I'll post about that later i guess.
Right now i'm really procrastinating. I'm trying to take some time off from this comp, not play any of my games and such and get shit done around my place. but man...playing games just sounds so much more fun. I srsly wish i had more interesting things to type about.
Workwise at the moment is allright. I'm still just casual, but the chick I'm covering for is still on sick leave, and she's hoping to come back, but they have no idea when. So i'm kinda living week by week. I'm watching the job postings, but nothing good has come up. I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna lower myself to picking up a janitor job just to stay on campus. Just not gonna happen. The odd casual shift here and there will be fine for now. not like i've gone anywheres and done anything expensive lately.. and i'll just raise my bro's rent >:)
I need to start studying. guess i should go get some of those recipe cards and fancy pens.
sigh.
March is when things get fun again. I'll post about that later i guess.
Right now i'm really procrastinating. I'm trying to take some time off from this comp, not play any of my games and such and get shit done around my place. but man...playing games just sounds so much more fun. I srsly wish i had more interesting things to type about.
Workwise at the moment is allright. I'm still just casual, but the chick I'm covering for is still on sick leave, and she's hoping to come back, but they have no idea when. So i'm kinda living week by week. I'm watching the job postings, but nothing good has come up. I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna lower myself to picking up a janitor job just to stay on campus. Just not gonna happen. The odd casual shift here and there will be fine for now. not like i've gone anywheres and done anything expensive lately.. and i'll just raise my bro's rent >:)
I need to start studying. guess i should go get some of those recipe cards and fancy pens.
sigh.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
2011-Today
Ill bounce back and forth between years lol. today I will talk about 2011.
So I seem to be blind in one eye. Not too sure whats going on there. Everything is quite blurry. Took out my contact and have my glasses on, even worse now lol. Great! Let's start the new year off with blindness.
I am worried about my stress lvl lately. My eye has twitched a couple times this week =( Tis a bad omen. It's probably due to work, cuz after this coming week of work, I have no idea what I'll be doing. People I'm covering for should be back so I might be unemployed again.
*twitch twitch*
So I had an adventure last weekend that I was gonna write about, but didn't cuz i forgot to.
Adventures In Bean Bag Chair Filling:
K well I've filled up a bean bag chair before, and it went relatively well, just a few foamy beans scatter around the place. This was last summer. I got my bro a new bean bag chair for xmas and was gonna be nice and fill it for him, even tho he's an asshole, and this time i was gonna do it in the bathroom, so it'd be easier to clean up after.
So I get everything ready, the chair is open and ready to be filled, i cut a corner off the bag of massive beans. I need to put three bags of beans into this chair. Three. I open the bag and begin pouring, and POOF! beans everywhere.
like, static cling mania. these little beans like plastered themselves to the wall, to my toilet, the entire floor was coated in them. Not to mention so was i. i had a whole layer of beans on me.
So I'm like wtf, this is gonna suck. So i keep filling the damn chair as best as i can, the damn beans are so staticky tho that anytime i reach near the bag they fly thur the air out of the bag and attach to my arm. the inside of the bag the beans were in has a whole layer of beans in it that can't be removed cuz they're clinging to tightly. I think it took me like 20 minutes to empty this bag of beans, which really all it shoulda taken is a minute to 'pour' the beans into the chair.
so then i'm done emptying the bag, and i want to go grab a garbage bag to put this shit in. but i look down at myself and i'm totally coveredin beans. And i don't want to drag all those around my apartment. So I strip down lol, grab new beanless clothes from my room, get my handy dandy (which really isn't so dandy) dustbuster and a garbage bag.
I also had a smart moment. When I worked at the vet clinic and we had massive staticky cling issues we would grab fabric softener sheets and just rub them up and down our arms and legs to keep our clothes from being staticky. So I grabbed some sheets, gave my new beanless clothes a once over with them, loaded up any exposed skin with some body butter cream so the beans would attach to my hands, and i went back into the bathroom.
I was in there for at least a half hour trying to gather up the beans with the fabric softener sheet. it was just insane. the toilet looked hilarious, it had a nice coating of beans all the way around it. my towels on the wall were all beaned up, and the floor was a whole layer of beans. anything i leaned close to something i'd seen beans fly off their object and attach themselves to my head. zoooom! crazy bastard things.
So yah, a week later and still finding beans everywhere in there. royal pain in the ass, but, something i suggest people try someday. even tho it was annoying, it was funny as hell.
Lesson Learned: Don't fill bean bag chairs in the winter when the air is so dry.
PS: so the other day at work i went to the bathroom and in the toilet there were a couple beans floating o_O Sneaky bastards are clinging to my ass!
PPS: I'd go back and edit this, but I still can't see out of my right eye. Sigh...
So I seem to be blind in one eye. Not too sure whats going on there. Everything is quite blurry. Took out my contact and have my glasses on, even worse now lol. Great! Let's start the new year off with blindness.
I am worried about my stress lvl lately. My eye has twitched a couple times this week =( Tis a bad omen. It's probably due to work, cuz after this coming week of work, I have no idea what I'll be doing. People I'm covering for should be back so I might be unemployed again.
*twitch twitch*
So I had an adventure last weekend that I was gonna write about, but didn't cuz i forgot to.
Adventures In Bean Bag Chair Filling:
K well I've filled up a bean bag chair before, and it went relatively well, just a few foamy beans scatter around the place. This was last summer. I got my bro a new bean bag chair for xmas and was gonna be nice and fill it for him, even tho he's an asshole, and this time i was gonna do it in the bathroom, so it'd be easier to clean up after.
So I get everything ready, the chair is open and ready to be filled, i cut a corner off the bag of massive beans. I need to put three bags of beans into this chair. Three. I open the bag and begin pouring, and POOF! beans everywhere.
like, static cling mania. these little beans like plastered themselves to the wall, to my toilet, the entire floor was coated in them. Not to mention so was i. i had a whole layer of beans on me.
So I'm like wtf, this is gonna suck. So i keep filling the damn chair as best as i can, the damn beans are so staticky tho that anytime i reach near the bag they fly thur the air out of the bag and attach to my arm. the inside of the bag the beans were in has a whole layer of beans in it that can't be removed cuz they're clinging to tightly. I think it took me like 20 minutes to empty this bag of beans, which really all it shoulda taken is a minute to 'pour' the beans into the chair.
so then i'm done emptying the bag, and i want to go grab a garbage bag to put this shit in. but i look down at myself and i'm totally coveredin beans. And i don't want to drag all those around my apartment. So I strip down lol, grab new beanless clothes from my room, get my handy dandy (which really isn't so dandy) dustbuster and a garbage bag.
I also had a smart moment. When I worked at the vet clinic and we had massive staticky cling issues we would grab fabric softener sheets and just rub them up and down our arms and legs to keep our clothes from being staticky. So I grabbed some sheets, gave my new beanless clothes a once over with them, loaded up any exposed skin with some body butter cream so the beans would attach to my hands, and i went back into the bathroom.
I was in there for at least a half hour trying to gather up the beans with the fabric softener sheet. it was just insane. the toilet looked hilarious, it had a nice coating of beans all the way around it. my towels on the wall were all beaned up, and the floor was a whole layer of beans. anything i leaned close to something i'd seen beans fly off their object and attach themselves to my head. zoooom! crazy bastard things.
So yah, a week later and still finding beans everywhere in there. royal pain in the ass, but, something i suggest people try someday. even tho it was annoying, it was funny as hell.
Lesson Learned: Don't fill bean bag chairs in the winter when the air is so dry.
PS: so the other day at work i went to the bathroom and in the toilet there were a couple beans floating o_O Sneaky bastards are clinging to my ass!
PPS: I'd go back and edit this, but I still can't see out of my right eye. Sigh...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Blarg! its a Blog!
Well i'm the queen of procrastination. Nothing exciting is happening right now in my life so i'm gonna start by reviewing last years shitshow. excuse bad grammar, bad spelling, bad anything. its my blog, i'll type it how i want.
January:
So I start off the year 2010 pretty much unemployed. the previous december I quit my full time job at this one facility cuz its an absolutely horrid place to work, and i had an injured shoulder that just wasn't healing, and my eye twitch was back full force. For those that don't know, i get a really annoying eyelid twitch in my right eye when i'm insanely stressed out, like, uber, mentally, gonna have a breakdown stressed out. The twitch went away the day I gave my notice lol.
Luckily when i quit, I picked up a small casual position at another facility that still dealt with the same type of work. Unfortunately it was only like 2 shifts a week, if that. and thats if i really took my time doing the work. So needless to say, i was mildly stressed at the fact that being the beginning of a new year, there were tons of bills coming out that i'd have to pay but didn't have the income to cover it.
I was given a heads up about a possible job opening in a facility that i've always wanted to work in. It was the supervisor too that gave me the heads up, and when the job was posted, she even contacted me to make sure I applied. Which is absolutely awesome, so towards the end of 2009 i was getting quite pumped about this job opening in January. Lots of people were like, 'oh yah, this job is yours, you have such awesome references..etc. etc' so yah, super pumped, full time permanent position coming up in the awesome facility.
I didn't get the job.
massively depressed after that. I'm happy for the girl that got it, she was an old co-worker of mine and she needed to get out of her current job very badly. But still a kick in the junk. if i had a junk.
Luckily tho, i was doing a good job at this new place, and they asked me to cover one of the employees spots while they were on vacation for the month of Feb. Whoot! full time work in feb. was pretty pumped. so ok, didn't have to worry about that for a month.
An additional stress in January was that they decided to jack up my condo fees i think $30/month. That is an insane increase! I swear these condo fees are a scam... so yah, during the month of january, i was in some seriuos financial stress, and was juggling physio, chiro and dealing with WCB paperwork for my injured shoulder. Not a good start to the year.
So towards the end of January, the interest rates on mortgages were pretty good, and mine was due for renewal in May of that year. So I contacted my mortgage broker to inquire on what i should do, renew early (if thats even possible?) or just wait and see what the rates are like in may. So he emails me back saying, no prob! just toss me a current paycheck and i'll look into what kinda rates i can get you. Well oh shit, a current paycheck? Let me point out that i wasn't like struggling to survive, the bills were a bitch and the current income almost non-existant. but I had gone a whole year with pretty much no vacation so i had moneys saved up. i could probably last 6 months without a job no prob. So i had savings. but unfortunately many banks don't care how much savings you have, they want to see a paycheck...
so incoming panic mode. omg, i won't be able to renew my mortgage. wtf am i gonna do. So i tell my broker that i don't have a good current paycheck because i'm on a sick leave (which i kinda was, just not official) and only working casual, but would hopefully have work lined up for me in feb. He replies that perhaps the current bank that i have my mortgage with will renew it, but he doubts it. I toss him some more questions via email, regarding rates, etc. No answer. My emails go completely ignored.
really? really???
This was my january of 2010..
Febuary to follow...
January:
So I start off the year 2010 pretty much unemployed. the previous december I quit my full time job at this one facility cuz its an absolutely horrid place to work, and i had an injured shoulder that just wasn't healing, and my eye twitch was back full force. For those that don't know, i get a really annoying eyelid twitch in my right eye when i'm insanely stressed out, like, uber, mentally, gonna have a breakdown stressed out. The twitch went away the day I gave my notice lol.
Luckily when i quit, I picked up a small casual position at another facility that still dealt with the same type of work. Unfortunately it was only like 2 shifts a week, if that. and thats if i really took my time doing the work. So needless to say, i was mildly stressed at the fact that being the beginning of a new year, there were tons of bills coming out that i'd have to pay but didn't have the income to cover it.
I was given a heads up about a possible job opening in a facility that i've always wanted to work in. It was the supervisor too that gave me the heads up, and when the job was posted, she even contacted me to make sure I applied. Which is absolutely awesome, so towards the end of 2009 i was getting quite pumped about this job opening in January. Lots of people were like, 'oh yah, this job is yours, you have such awesome references..etc. etc' so yah, super pumped, full time permanent position coming up in the awesome facility.
I didn't get the job.
massively depressed after that. I'm happy for the girl that got it, she was an old co-worker of mine and she needed to get out of her current job very badly. But still a kick in the junk. if i had a junk.
Luckily tho, i was doing a good job at this new place, and they asked me to cover one of the employees spots while they were on vacation for the month of Feb. Whoot! full time work in feb. was pretty pumped. so ok, didn't have to worry about that for a month.
An additional stress in January was that they decided to jack up my condo fees i think $30/month. That is an insane increase! I swear these condo fees are a scam... so yah, during the month of january, i was in some seriuos financial stress, and was juggling physio, chiro and dealing with WCB paperwork for my injured shoulder. Not a good start to the year.
So towards the end of January, the interest rates on mortgages were pretty good, and mine was due for renewal in May of that year. So I contacted my mortgage broker to inquire on what i should do, renew early (if thats even possible?) or just wait and see what the rates are like in may. So he emails me back saying, no prob! just toss me a current paycheck and i'll look into what kinda rates i can get you. Well oh shit, a current paycheck? Let me point out that i wasn't like struggling to survive, the bills were a bitch and the current income almost non-existant. but I had gone a whole year with pretty much no vacation so i had moneys saved up. i could probably last 6 months without a job no prob. So i had savings. but unfortunately many banks don't care how much savings you have, they want to see a paycheck...
so incoming panic mode. omg, i won't be able to renew my mortgage. wtf am i gonna do. So i tell my broker that i don't have a good current paycheck because i'm on a sick leave (which i kinda was, just not official) and only working casual, but would hopefully have work lined up for me in feb. He replies that perhaps the current bank that i have my mortgage with will renew it, but he doubts it. I toss him some more questions via email, regarding rates, etc. No answer. My emails go completely ignored.
really? really???
This was my january of 2010..
Febuary to follow...
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