Someone made a comment to me the other day when I mentioned something about me being stressed. They said, "What do you know about stress??" Well that got me thinking.. why would they make a comment like that? They don't know what all I've been through in my life. I'm 28 years old. I'm young, but I've been through a lot of stress in my life. May not be for the same reasons as other people, may be varying degrees of stress compared to others. Then I thought of what I went through last year, and how I've blocked so much of it from my mind now, except when i feel a twinge of pain in my shoulder. Just a gentle reminder of what kind of stress I went through.
So here we go. Screw the other shit that went wrong last year, I've already forgotten half of it.
March 2010:
I worked a security gig for St Patty's day that was this huge uni party at a hall. It was a shitshow. Like, little drunken 19 year olds all over the place. Was quite a shitty nite actually, the only amusement came from the couple of peeps sent off in cop cars and ambulances. Dumbasses. Anyways, my shoulder had been feeling quite good, i had been out of physio for a month by then (from the torn rotator cuff). But that night it really started hurting, and I was using it wayyyy too much. Unfortunately its my right arm, so its used to reaching out, and blocking, etc. so by the end of the night it was just killing me. I was debating on stopping by the first aid station just to get it officially looked at in case I re-tore something and would have to start physio and the workers comp gig all over again. But, being me, I didn't. Figured some anti-inflams and an ice pack would cure it.
Week later, still could barely move my arm. and i had a sore spot on the spine of my scapula (shoulder blade). like literally, a sore SPOT the size of my finger tip. and of course, when you have a sore spot, you need to keep poking at it.....ow....ow....ow....ow...
So I went back to physio. It was covered by workers comp still, so hey, why not. Get an actual specialized pro to look at it. Well she had no clue what was up with the sore spot. and it kind of seemed like i re-injured the shoulder, she could barely move it. so she started some 'healing' treatments and worked on that sore spot to see what the heck could be done with it.
As weeks went by, the spot turned into a bump...and kept getting bigger. Nothing my physio did seemed to help, so she was actually wondering wtf was going on. She wanted ultrasound, but in the general order of things in the medical field, xrays need to be done first, and she couldn't request those. So I went to my chiro, who I've also been seeing regularly and who is quite familiar with my many ailments. She sent in the req for xrays.
May:
I went in for my xrays, and the report said there were no findings. So ok, next step: ultrasound. By this time the bump was about the size of..an almond maybe? easily felt, not easily seen by looking at my shoulder.
Oh, and i forgot to mention, it was painful as HELL. I generally have a high pain tolerance, and especially with my shoulders and back, i barely feel anything done to me there. But holy shit, touch that little bump and I'd almost cry. So that actually had me quite concerned. Soft tissue injuries aren't generally THAT painful...but bone ones are..
June:
So ultrasound didn't happen until June. These radiologists I liked. The tech spent like 45 mins on my shoulder. She took a peek at the rotator cuff and confirmed that it had been torn, but was healed (fucking system, they wouldn't send me for ultrasound to look at it at the time it was actually torn). But after she did my mass on my shoulder, i could tell she was going "wtf??" in her head lol. My ultrasound experience is limited, but from the few glances I got of what she was doing, it was weird. For something so superficial with only bone and muscles surrounding it, it was...weird. So she got the radiologist to come in and actually look at it lol. Which is generally not the best sign, but it's good to know she was concerned enough to run and grab him from whatever he was doing. So he looked at it and I guess he was pretty boggled. He listed off a bunch of possibilities, one of which of course included neoplasm (cancer). But he rambled on about how that was slim and most definately not a chance of it being that. mmhmm...he forgot who he was talking to. the rarer it is, the more likely i'd get it. remember this for later..
So I'm finally involving my family doctor in this mess, cuz it's starting to of course freak me out, and it would have to be her requesting more additional diagnostics now. So she reviews the ultrasound report with me and is like, 'ok, i guess we wait a month to see what it does and go in for a repeat ultrasound'. typical. 'wait and see'. But before I leave, she wants to take another look at the mass. I could tell she looked concerned then. She says, you know what? Go for another xray. Right now, just go straight from here. I don't see how this can't be showing up on xray.
So I go. I get to the rad lab and the tech looks at my chart and is like, actually, i don't think we'll take these xrays. You just had xrays done on that shoulder, and they couldn't find anything. You're young, you shouldn't get this much radiation.
Unfortunately for her, I know what a tech can and cannot tell a patient. That is most definately something a Radiology Technician can NOT tell a patient. So I say: "I have a mass growing out of my shoulder. It is extremely painful, and it has grown in size since the last xrays. I have had ultrasound and they don't know what it is. My doctor wants a repeat xray. You will repeat this xray because i have a FUCKING MASS GROWING OUT OF MY SHOULDER."
So she says, well, i'll go ask the radiologist then. She comes back and says he wants the repeats. Wow, no shit?
Two days later I get woken up by an early phone call, "Can you come in to see your doctor this morning? She wants to go over Xray results"
Fuck...my....life. Most definately not a good sign. My doctor takes weeks to get in to see for results. Weeks. Not hours.
On Thursday, June 10, 2010, 11:30am, my doctor told me that I may have osteosarcoma.
I laughed. "Hah..." Maybe not a laugh..more like, yup, figured...
She talks a bit more. I tell her I'm familiar with osteo from all the times I've seen it in the vet field. She gets me on an **urgent** list for a MRI. They can't diagnose it from an xray. So onto more diagnostics. I guess the radiologist took one look at the xray and pretty much went 'holy fuck!' and called my doctor and talked to her instead of just faxing the report to her.
My doctor asks if i have any questions. I say, nope. you couldn't possibly answer the questions I may have right now.
But then I do ask, 'was the mass noticable on the first xrays in May"
Doctor: "Yes. They missed it."
So yah, I hold it together. Go me! I accept what she tells me, she gets me on the cancellation list for a MRI, so i go home. On my way to the car, I ran into the veterinarian i used to work for. I need to visit her one of these days...anyways, she was on her way in to the dr's office. and she asked how i was. I told her, I have a tumour. and she's fabulous. absolutely fabulous. I owe her more than a visit. she was comforting me and assuring me everything was going to be just fine and such. She was the first person I told that I had a tumour. I think I was probably still in shock too when I was talking to her. When I got to my car, then it hit me like a brick wall.
I was going to die. and it was gonna be fucking painful lol...
to be continued ;)
